Holy Moly, Swimtastic Swimming!!!!

I spend most Saturdays in a hammock, usually leafing through the latest Galaxy of Mailbox Values™ and sipping a mojito. I won't lie - it's a good life. But, a few Saturdays ago, mid-mojito Rocky walked up to me and said, "Dad, I'd like to take swimming classes."

I was shocked! I mean why swimming over, say, shot putting?? No matter. In my tireless quest to be the perfect father I've decided that whatever Rocky wants, he will get. So, Rocky wanted swimming lessons? Well, Rocky got 'em.

All it took was a quick trip down to the Hollywood "Y", a couple of greased palms, and before you know it we were havin' a gay ol' time!

And we're off! Take a close look at the action here. In fact, pay close attention to the great distance between us (second team from right) and the rest of the miserable losers in the class - There's a good three feet between us and the rest of the herd! Turns out not only did Rocky have an interest in swimming, but a natural ability on par with some of our beloved Earth's most precious aquatic animals! The kid is like a goddamned mako shark! Who knew??!!

And a champion is born! Seriously, this baby is like a combination of Greg Louganis and the Submariner. We've just completed the first four week session and will start the next session this Saturday. Look out world!!!

Eating!

Eating is a big deal for babies. And, eating for big babies (30 pounds and not yet a year) is an even bigger deal. Swear to god, there was one time the damn kid tried to eat my own hand. Seriously. Had I left it there - hovering near his mouth, kiddie spoon in hand - just another nanosecond longer, I might now be missing a precious appendage. Thankfully it didn't come to that and I now know to don lead-lined oven mitts when feeding the tyke.

Look at how happy Rocky is here. Happy because his belly is full of the two jars of baby food, one whole banana, half cup of couscous, entire pineapple, two quarts of ice cream, liter of root beer, and half a deep dish pizza I frantically had flown in from Chicago ("Hello, Connie's? My baby has lost his mind and is eating everything in sight! Please! Send help!).


Sometimes things get a little messy. This much is to be understood. And, sometimes, well, sometimes things get weird. This photo was snapped after a memorable feeding session that left not only Rocky's visage pocked with drool slathered Cheerios™, but the floor, ceiling, dog, and yours truly as well.